Scribblings One: 'What Would You Attempt if You Knew You Would Not Fail?'

I was searching the web looking for somewhere where I could get some prompts for my blog. I love posting about my weight loss, my life, my feelings, but sometimes (like right now) I am in desperate need of a deeper, more powerful post to keep my heart and soul open. I hope that makes sense.

So I found, through an avenue of a Google search and two blogs, a blog that is no longer being updates regularly, however it is a blog that was started to offer writing prompts to writers who may be struggling with Writer's Block, for those who journal, for those who seem to need something to write. And sometimes that is exactly what I need.

WHAT WOULD YOU ATTEMPT IF YOU KNEW YOU WOULD NOT FAIL?

This is an age old question... and some people take it and run with it, deep down to the depths of their soul, and some people take it to a silly place, keeping it light and airy.

I want to keep it in the middle.

Before I begin I want to start with a story... Once upon a time...

When I was a junior in college, I realized that I needed to study abroad. Now or never. It was something I needed to do right then or I would never have to opportunity to do it again. So I did a tiny bit of research and (like my college search) picked one place, applied, was accepted, and the rest is history. I was going to Ireland. Only for 6 weeks, in the summer, but it was an opportunity to spread my wings, experience something I never have before, and something that I could use to grow myself in the most magical way possible.

This was something that I knew I would love to do and something that not all my friends had the opportunity to do and something that would make me unique to potential employers, etc. So I decided to do it, packed my bags, and I was off like a dirty shirt (Pretty in Pink reference!).

When I saw this question I wanted to do something silly and not very personal, however, I think there are too many things in this world that are no longer personal. And a blog should be, because I am writing it for myself. There may be people reading it, there may not, but I love writing so much and think this is a great way to work on it. To get that fix that writing sometimes gives me. 

So I would attempt to move to a foreign country on a whim. Specifically Ireland. Perhaps the UK.

Image found on a Google Search for Cliffs of Moher, Ireland.

I don't mean whim, as in decide to buy a plane ticket on a Tuesday and be in the new city, state, country, continent by Friday. However, I mean decide to go for personal and selfish reasons. I wouldn't want to go because a job was offered to me somewhere, or because my boyfriend got a job there, or because I had family or friends asking me to go there. I would want to do it because I had a wanderlust coating on my heart and that I was itching for an adventure. I would want to have nothing to go on but a few apartment guides, the help wanted ads, and the kindness of distant relatives and friends of friends (or even friends of friends of friends; I'm not picky about that).

The job is something that I would struggle with, however, in this perfect world created by this question, I think it is only fair to realize that I wouldn't fail. I would find a job and an apartment. I wouldn't fail in all the things I wouldn't be able to fail in. The basic, human, necessities: food, water, shelter.

I am now taking liberties with this question and assuming that, I wouldn't fail with things that matter, but I would be in a position to face emotional and personal failure. I would still be able to get my heart broken, face hardships when it came to success, getting everything I wanted, living the lifestyle I had only dreamed of. 

I wouldn't call getting everything you wanted easily and readily to be considered not failing. I just mean that the big things can't go wrong, or they can but never without a faith-based back-up plan.

Now that I am looking at this I think this is a possible achievement. I believe that, for the most part, we never actual fail. We have set backs, less than ideal circumstances, but none of those are components to a lack of success. They are simply bumps in the long road of life. Success wouldn't be considered so sweet if we never failed at anything. If everything were handed to us, our expectations would be greater than the universe and would never be met.

So, in conclusion, it looks like the main ideal here is "What would you attempt if you knew you would not fail?" But if you look at the opportunities and the small 'failures' they really just lead to the amazing successes and the things that open us up to much better things in this world.

Embrace the failures. They lead to the most amazing successes.

Alright folks.. Listen up!

I am COMPLETELY AWARE that I have been slacking off on weigh-ins. Just meaning I skipped last week. But that was because I was in a mood and already a little upset so I decided that I needed to give myself a break and not ruin my Thursday.

My boyfriend told me to do it because it COULD be amazing. I could be surprised that I was down. But I just wanted to avoid the chance that it was up.

So this weekend, a few of my friends from college all met up and we went to my parents' beach condo for the weekend. Most of us still live in the area so we can easily spend time together, but this was a special weekend because one of the girls lives in LA. And she made the plane trip up here to spend some time and catch up.

Well, I know that would constitute a LOT of eating. Girls Weekends always do. So I did my best to eat not too much and to INSIST on walking on the beach as much as possible. So that's what we did.

I have a FitBit and I decided to wear it during the weekend to see if I could get some good steps in. I recently reset my goal to 5,000 steps a day, instead of the pre-programmed 10,000 steps, just because I knew I would struggle to get 10,000 steps at my new job. And although that may not seem like very many, it has been a more manageable goal for me. And, although most days it is much to hot to do anything, at the beach the weather made me so happy. Which made being outside the best! So we walked... and walked... and walked. On Saturday, I hit 18,000 steps and have the sore muscles to prove it. Just to clarify this, I would like to mention that I am not athletic, nor in shape, but I can walk without a problem... but walking in loose, dry sand, that is a different story. My ankles and calves are screaming. And that feeling makes me feel good.

A friend of mine could not come down until Saturday afternoon, and that was because she is a nurse and had to work the Friday Night shift. So she was able to come on Saturday and have a great day. She also is recently engaged and asked me to... BE HER MAID OF HONOR!!

I am so blessed and feel so honored and excited to be part of such a huge part of her life! However, that means there will be a million pictures of me taken.. and in a dress.. and that is just something that I am not ready for. Not yet. I am not happy with the way my body looks and I think this is just the push I need to work through some of my issues with food and some of my "pushing it to the back burner" tendencies with all dieting.

You see, I get this idea in my head that one bag of Cheetos won't matter, one GIANT cookie won't matter, a bowl of ice cream won't matter, eating out for lunch AND dinner won't matter. And, I know that usually one of those things wouldn't matter if I did just one of them once in a while. However, instead, I do two or three a DAY! And that has to stop.

I have to stop living my life like something else is coming along. That I can do all these things tomorrow, that I can worry about it tomorrow, that something is going to happen SOMEDAY. What about today?

So now that I have 411 days. That's how long I have to get to my goal weight. And looking at that number and thinking I have plenty of time is NOT an option. It is something that I need to do today so that I won't look at that number and see just 11 days and want to cry because I haven't done anything.

I do that all the time. I look at a date and I see that I have SO much time. I can do this, this, and this before the day. Then the day comes, and I haven't done anything.

However, with all this being said, I know I am someone who cannot deprive myself of sweets, treats, and unhealthy food. So I am just going to look for alternatives.

Right now, having just got back from my lunch and wanting some hot chocolate, I am having No Sugar Added Hot Chocolate Packs. They're 1 PP per pack. And I like mine sweeter so I am having two packs. It is something that satisfies my sweet tooth, and isn't too heavy on points, AND I don't have to be worried about my weight loss journey.. Its all about finding the balance and the help that I need in order to find my weight loss stride.

Weight Watcher Girl, whom I have spoken about many times, has really been an inspiration for me. She is so sweet and understand and every week she posts new food points that are low in points, or she shows recipes that are great when it comes to PP value and taste.

If I am going to do this, I have to just do it. Quit being so scared to fail that I sit there being stagnant.

I just want to love myself and my body.

While I was at the beach this weekend, I wrote in this journal I carry with me about how gossip leaves you feeling awful, even if it is fun and engaging at the moment. And that's how I relate to eating. Cheetos taste amazing and are satisfying in the very beginning for a short time, but they leave me feeling awful and not happy in the long haul. I just need to keep myself more focused and the wedding is a great place to start.

Thank you for reading!

I promise to weigh-in on Thursday no matter how I am feeling.

I also may change my weigh in day to Tuesdays.. That may make a difference. But we will see.

Thank you again! I am sending encouraging thoughts and happiness to you all!

Inspirational Moment...

This is something that really hit home for me today!

xxLindsey

One More Step at a Time...

For your physical health:
1. Drink plenty of water.
It aids in weight loss, promotes healthy skin, and helps with cellulite and discoloration.

2. Eat breakfast like a king.
Eat lunch like a prince.
Eat dinner like a beggar.

3. Eat more foods that grow on trees, plants, and come from the ground.
Eat less things that are manufactured in plants.

For the health of your heart:
4. Don't compare your life to others.
You have no idea what their journey has been.

5. Try to turn negatives thoughts into positives.
Being negative doesn't help anyone grow.

6. Know what your limits are.
Practice keeping them as often as you can.

7. Dream more while you're awake.

8. Smile and laugh more often, with as many people as you can.

For the health of others:
9. Call your family often.

10. Each day, give something good to others.

11. Remember that, what other people think about you is none of your business.

12. Your job won't take care of you when you're sick or sad.
Your friends will.
Remember them and keep in touch.

For everything else:
13. Do the right thing!
You know what the right thing is.
No excuses.

14. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful, or joyful.

15. No matter how terrible a situation;
No matter how wonderful a situation;
Things changes.

16. No matter how you fell,
Get up, dress up, and show up.

17. Your inner most is always happy.
So, be happy!

***I found this on a tumblr post. I couldn't find a source, I couldn't find an author. Seems to be a compilation of a bunch of advice from all over. I am not claiming this as my own, I'm just passing it along.

xxLindsey

Dear Human,

You've got it all wrong. You didn't come here to master unconditional love. That is where you came from and where you'll return. You came here to master personal love. Universal love. Messy love. Sweaty love. Crazy love. Broken love. Whole love. Infused with divinity. Lived through the grace of stumbling. Demonstrated through the beauty of... messing up. Often. You didn't come here to be perfect. You already are. You came here to be gorgeously human. Flawed and fabulous. And then rise again into remembering.

We are all searching for something; a place in this world, a purpose, a reason for living. For some people, they find this in a soul mate, in a hobby or activity, or their faith; sometimes it’s a mixture of all three.

For me, for a long time, I was obsessed with growing my faith. I didn’t feel drawn to any one passion and I wasn’t anywhere near finding my soul mate. So I turned to the one I was constantly surrounded by: religion, faith, and spirituality. I went to a catholic high school so there were many opportunities for me to grow in my faith. Mass once a week, religion class three days a week, and a massive Campus Ministry and Service program. I loved to see those people who were unrelenting about their religion and I wanted to feel so strongly about something!

Diving in headfirst was not a big deal at all. I had so many friends who were involved in all my school had to offer that I just continued to sign up for service projects, I would volunteer to read things at mass weekly, stayed after school to help organize. Plus, I began attending church on my own as well, on Sunday evenings. It was the only way I knew how to find that… something.

But, now being very far removed from high school, I have come to con realizations about this. I realized to religion and faith, spirituality, I was looking for and wanting to find wasn’t happening for me. The services I was attending twice a week weren’t making me feel any closer to God or my something. I wasn’t getting that overwhelming and all encompassing feeling of faith. It didn’t feel like it was going deep enough for me.

Enter the ideal of The Universe.

The Universe is how I look at all things in my life. The Universe has a plan for me, a way of making everything work out just as it’s suppose to. There is a quote that says something along the lines of: “Once you make a decision, with all your heart, the universe conspires to make it happen.” This is a quote adapted by something Johann Wolfgang von Goethe wrote. And I think that explains it all.

The Universe involves so many things such as God, karma, and everything happening for a reason.

I believe in God. My ideas about Him are a little different than the typical vision of God, but my beliefs in Him  and The Universe are rooted in Christianity.

I turn to Him when I am having a really hard time, when I need guidance or advice, or when I feel as though I have exhausted everything I can do, and I need a little divine intervention. I tend to keep a constant conversation with Him in my head. Not, necessarily praying, but more reaching out and speaking to someone who is always listening, who always cares, and who I know would never allow me to go through or feel more than He believed I could handle.

The most important thing I can tell you, that I get out of my faith, and having the beliefs that I have, and my center of spirituality is to love. No matter who the person is, what they believe, their lifestyle, color of their skin, socio-economic status, none of that matters. All we need is love in our lives and everyone is deserving of love.

That's how I try to live my life and that's how I try my best to look at each difficult situation. I am not perfect by any means, and I often lose this ideal when I am extremely upset or anything like that, but I do my best to always remember that. Everyone wants to be treated like a person and have their heart understood, no matter what.

There is too much in this world that is unexplained. There are so many beliefs. Not one of them is more true, right, or real than another.

Love Makes The World Go Round.

My Prince Charming...

Doesn't have to be a prince at all. For everyone out there looking for their Prince or Princess of their dreams, there is always a little list. This list can be written out, or just mental, and it is a list of things that we want in our life partner, soul mate, other half.

My list was written out. I had it in a note in my phone and I would add to it every time I had a.. less that perfect dating experience. But it became a list that didn't leave me with much of an open mind. I got so stuck in the mind set of a man with a certain look, certain accomplishments, and so many superficial things.

A good friend of mine helped me break free of this. She wrote me a small note that I have kept ever since. It was a beautiful note and it was such insight that I found a weight lifting off of me.

The note said this:

"What to look for in a man!
-integrity -adhere to a moral code
-honesty
-confidence
-makes you feel valued
-someone one, if he leaves me, he'll leave me better off
-someone who is prepared to take care of me
-someone who can take care of my heart
You deserve the best! and you're worth it. You don't need to settle for less."

There is nothing wrong with the need to be attracted to your one true. There has to be a little bit of a physical attraction. However, her list opened my eyes to the things that are ACTUALLY important.

My list, before this epiphany, included: dog lover, over 6'3", owns a car, college degree, loves his family, dark hair, kindness, belief in a higher power.

Nothing wrong with those, but if I was going to be strict to that list, I would miss out on a lot of great people, and I would also be boxed into dating a certain kind of man.

The weight that was lifted when she gave me her list was this: the superficial things don't matter as much as I was making them out to. A kind hearted man who would take care of mine. He may be shorter, like cats, drive the car he's had since high school, and still working on college. None of those things matter as much as what is present in his heart.

So, thank you Hollie! You have opened my eyes to what is out there.

And interestingly enough, when I opened up my heart to other things, I was pleasantly surprised to find a man who I have fallen head over heels for. He checks off everything on Hollie's list, and had proven to be one hundred percent better than any old list I had.

Open heart, open mind, just know you deserve to be treated like a treasure, a precious stone, because we are all just that.

xxLindsey