Scribblings One: 'What Would You Attempt if You Knew You Would Not Fail?'

I was searching the web looking for somewhere where I could get some prompts for my blog. I love posting about my weight loss, my life, my feelings, but sometimes (like right now) I am in desperate need of a deeper, more powerful post to keep my heart and soul open. I hope that makes sense.

So I found, through an avenue of a Google search and two blogs, a blog that is no longer being updates regularly, however it is a blog that was started to offer writing prompts to writers who may be struggling with Writer's Block, for those who journal, for those who seem to need something to write. And sometimes that is exactly what I need.

WHAT WOULD YOU ATTEMPT IF YOU KNEW YOU WOULD NOT FAIL?

This is an age old question... and some people take it and run with it, deep down to the depths of their soul, and some people take it to a silly place, keeping it light and airy.

I want to keep it in the middle.

Before I begin I want to start with a story... Once upon a time...

When I was a junior in college, I realized that I needed to study abroad. Now or never. It was something I needed to do right then or I would never have to opportunity to do it again. So I did a tiny bit of research and (like my college search) picked one place, applied, was accepted, and the rest is history. I was going to Ireland. Only for 6 weeks, in the summer, but it was an opportunity to spread my wings, experience something I never have before, and something that I could use to grow myself in the most magical way possible.

This was something that I knew I would love to do and something that not all my friends had the opportunity to do and something that would make me unique to potential employers, etc. So I decided to do it, packed my bags, and I was off like a dirty shirt (Pretty in Pink reference!).

When I saw this question I wanted to do something silly and not very personal, however, I think there are too many things in this world that are no longer personal. And a blog should be, because I am writing it for myself. There may be people reading it, there may not, but I love writing so much and think this is a great way to work on it. To get that fix that writing sometimes gives me. 

So I would attempt to move to a foreign country on a whim. Specifically Ireland. Perhaps the UK.

Image found on a Google Search for Cliffs of Moher, Ireland.

I don't mean whim, as in decide to buy a plane ticket on a Tuesday and be in the new city, state, country, continent by Friday. However, I mean decide to go for personal and selfish reasons. I wouldn't want to go because a job was offered to me somewhere, or because my boyfriend got a job there, or because I had family or friends asking me to go there. I would want to do it because I had a wanderlust coating on my heart and that I was itching for an adventure. I would want to have nothing to go on but a few apartment guides, the help wanted ads, and the kindness of distant relatives and friends of friends (or even friends of friends of friends; I'm not picky about that).

The job is something that I would struggle with, however, in this perfect world created by this question, I think it is only fair to realize that I wouldn't fail. I would find a job and an apartment. I wouldn't fail in all the things I wouldn't be able to fail in. The basic, human, necessities: food, water, shelter.

I am now taking liberties with this question and assuming that, I wouldn't fail with things that matter, but I would be in a position to face emotional and personal failure. I would still be able to get my heart broken, face hardships when it came to success, getting everything I wanted, living the lifestyle I had only dreamed of. 

I wouldn't call getting everything you wanted easily and readily to be considered not failing. I just mean that the big things can't go wrong, or they can but never without a faith-based back-up plan.

Now that I am looking at this I think this is a possible achievement. I believe that, for the most part, we never actual fail. We have set backs, less than ideal circumstances, but none of those are components to a lack of success. They are simply bumps in the long road of life. Success wouldn't be considered so sweet if we never failed at anything. If everything were handed to us, our expectations would be greater than the universe and would never be met.

So, in conclusion, it looks like the main ideal here is "What would you attempt if you knew you would not fail?" But if you look at the opportunities and the small 'failures' they really just lead to the amazing successes and the things that open us up to much better things in this world.

Embrace the failures. They lead to the most amazing successes.

Alright folks.. Listen up!

I am COMPLETELY AWARE that I have been slacking off on weigh-ins. Just meaning I skipped last week. But that was because I was in a mood and already a little upset so I decided that I needed to give myself a break and not ruin my Thursday.

My boyfriend told me to do it because it COULD be amazing. I could be surprised that I was down. But I just wanted to avoid the chance that it was up.

So this weekend, a few of my friends from college all met up and we went to my parents' beach condo for the weekend. Most of us still live in the area so we can easily spend time together, but this was a special weekend because one of the girls lives in LA. And she made the plane trip up here to spend some time and catch up.

Well, I know that would constitute a LOT of eating. Girls Weekends always do. So I did my best to eat not too much and to INSIST on walking on the beach as much as possible. So that's what we did.

I have a FitBit and I decided to wear it during the weekend to see if I could get some good steps in. I recently reset my goal to 5,000 steps a day, instead of the pre-programmed 10,000 steps, just because I knew I would struggle to get 10,000 steps at my new job. And although that may not seem like very many, it has been a more manageable goal for me. And, although most days it is much to hot to do anything, at the beach the weather made me so happy. Which made being outside the best! So we walked... and walked... and walked. On Saturday, I hit 18,000 steps and have the sore muscles to prove it. Just to clarify this, I would like to mention that I am not athletic, nor in shape, but I can walk without a problem... but walking in loose, dry sand, that is a different story. My ankles and calves are screaming. And that feeling makes me feel good.

A friend of mine could not come down until Saturday afternoon, and that was because she is a nurse and had to work the Friday Night shift. So she was able to come on Saturday and have a great day. She also is recently engaged and asked me to... BE HER MAID OF HONOR!!

I am so blessed and feel so honored and excited to be part of such a huge part of her life! However, that means there will be a million pictures of me taken.. and in a dress.. and that is just something that I am not ready for. Not yet. I am not happy with the way my body looks and I think this is just the push I need to work through some of my issues with food and some of my "pushing it to the back burner" tendencies with all dieting.

You see, I get this idea in my head that one bag of Cheetos won't matter, one GIANT cookie won't matter, a bowl of ice cream won't matter, eating out for lunch AND dinner won't matter. And, I know that usually one of those things wouldn't matter if I did just one of them once in a while. However, instead, I do two or three a DAY! And that has to stop.

I have to stop living my life like something else is coming along. That I can do all these things tomorrow, that I can worry about it tomorrow, that something is going to happen SOMEDAY. What about today?

So now that I have 411 days. That's how long I have to get to my goal weight. And looking at that number and thinking I have plenty of time is NOT an option. It is something that I need to do today so that I won't look at that number and see just 11 days and want to cry because I haven't done anything.

I do that all the time. I look at a date and I see that I have SO much time. I can do this, this, and this before the day. Then the day comes, and I haven't done anything.

However, with all this being said, I know I am someone who cannot deprive myself of sweets, treats, and unhealthy food. So I am just going to look for alternatives.

Right now, having just got back from my lunch and wanting some hot chocolate, I am having No Sugar Added Hot Chocolate Packs. They're 1 PP per pack. And I like mine sweeter so I am having two packs. It is something that satisfies my sweet tooth, and isn't too heavy on points, AND I don't have to be worried about my weight loss journey.. Its all about finding the balance and the help that I need in order to find my weight loss stride.

Weight Watcher Girl, whom I have spoken about many times, has really been an inspiration for me. She is so sweet and understand and every week she posts new food points that are low in points, or she shows recipes that are great when it comes to PP value and taste.

If I am going to do this, I have to just do it. Quit being so scared to fail that I sit there being stagnant.

I just want to love myself and my body.

While I was at the beach this weekend, I wrote in this journal I carry with me about how gossip leaves you feeling awful, even if it is fun and engaging at the moment. And that's how I relate to eating. Cheetos taste amazing and are satisfying in the very beginning for a short time, but they leave me feeling awful and not happy in the long haul. I just need to keep myself more focused and the wedding is a great place to start.

Thank you for reading!

I promise to weigh-in on Thursday no matter how I am feeling.

I also may change my weigh in day to Tuesdays.. That may make a difference. But we will see.

Thank you again! I am sending encouraging thoughts and happiness to you all!

Fifty Facts about Me.

It felt like time to share some things about myself. I have done some surveys (reminiscent of MySpace) in the past, but I thought it would be fun to add fifty things about me that give insight into me.

1. I have always been surrounded by the number 8.
2. I am 5'8".
3. I wear shoe size 8.
4. My birthday is June 8th, 1988.
5. My younger brother is the COOLEST person I know.
6. He's writing a novel.
7. He inspired me to write a novel as well.
8. Him and I look VERY similar. You would never knew we were five years apart.
9. I have naturally curly hair. I hated it the first 20 years of my life, and now I love it.
10. I don't take it too seriously though. I have had my hair every length, and every color, including purple, which was my favorite!
11. I spent the first half of my life believing that my eyes were hazel. Then I really looked at myself and realized they are as green as green eyes can be.
12. The Raw Food Diet sounds amazing to me because I love fruit. I eat a lot of it.
13. I also love Doritos, macaroni and cheese, ice cream, doughnuts, and cereal. All of which would make the Raw Food Diet impossible.
14. Milk is at the top of my list as favorite drinks.
15. I am very much an old woman at heart. Bed at 9 pm, up at 5 am, watching TV and reading, and being content with the small group of family and close friends.
16. Grocery shopping gives me a thrill.
17. All shopping does, actually.
18. I have been with my boyfriend for just over a year ( He asked me to be his girlfriend on July 22, 2013), and I knew from the moment I saw him, two and a half months before he asked me to be hid girlfriend, that he was the one.
19. I have always had a thing for tall men. My boyfriend is 6'5".
20. I have done a bit of travelling, and would love to do it more and more as I grow older.
21. I lived in Hollywood, California for a brief time.
22. I studied abroad in Ireland.
23. I believe, strongly, in God and Heaven but don't practice any specific religion.
24. I out a lot of emphasis on The Universe. It is the thing that drives everything in our lives. God, serendipity, karma, fate, etc.
25. I have a Bachelor's Degree in Behavioral Science.
26. I am a licensed Esthitician. This allows me to practice waxing, skin treatments, and make-up.
27. Every four years in school, I would hop back and forth between Public and Private school. 
28. I went to an all girls, private high school.
29. I speak to the friends I met on the first day of high school, every single day.
30. One of my closest friends, I met when we were two years old.
31. My best friend, I became friend with when we were in second grade.
32. I have always chosen quality over quantity when it comes to my friends.
33. I hate using the calendar on my phone. I prefer a tangible planner.
34. Dresses are my favorite thing to wear, but I am very picky when purchasing them.
35. I am a Type 1 Diabetic. This means I produce NO insulin and have to inject it into myself every time I eat.
36. I was fortunate enough to get to spend lots of time with my dad since he too early retirement because of an injury. He is the smartest man I know and still my number 1 call whenever I have any problems.
37. I have the OVERWHELMING sense that I need to live in North Carolina at some point.
38. I want to own a dog so much, but am worried that I wouldn't be a good enough mother.
39. I have a very close family unit. My parents, my brother and I could spend weeks together and, fight yes, but still enjoy ourselves thoroughly. 
40. The beach is my favorite place to be. But the Oregon Coast is the top of the list.
41. I am a huge softy.
42. My closet, drawers, shows, and jewelry are all coordinated by color, type, sleeve length.
43. I absolutely LOVE going to the movies.
44. I will not see a scary movie unless I am thoroughly bribed by money and gummi butterflies.
45. Binge watching a show is an understatement for me.
46. Veronica Mars remains my favorite series.
47. I love to read. Once I pick a book up, it is struggle to put it down and to think about anything else.
48. The library is the best place on Earth. I don't own any kind of digital reader, so real books are like gold to me.
49. I tend to get stuck on a song and replay it a million times until I am stuck on another song.
50. I have had the same top three movies since I was 15.
1. The Little Mermaid
2. Walk to Remember
3. Breakfast Club

I thought that would be harder than it was. In the middle I was thinking I wouldn't find anything else. But I got to number 50 and realized I could do a few more. 

However, I will save them until next time.

A Peak and a Pit: One

ORIGINALLY WRITTEN AND PUBLISHED ON MY WEIGHT WATCHER'S BLOG: June 30th, 2014

Because I was so happy about my huge weight loss the first week, I went out and celebrated, and celebrated... and celebrated. And I am down to 1 extra point for the week and I just cannot stop myself. So that was a pit.

Definitely something that I knew would happen for me. Some weeks you just need it, want it, accidentally use it, or whatever. But it's sad that it happened to me so soon into the program. Although, on the other hand, I guess it makes sense that I would do it soon, because taking the amount of food I was in-taking down to 31 points a day, it leaves a lot of room for hunger, or just habit.

But I hope to do better. I think I can. I know I can. It's just a matter or trying a lot harder and planning a lot more!

I am moving soon and will have access to an elliptical and will only have food in the house for me and my boyfriend. Hopefully I won't have to worry about any food that will be a temptation. Because when there is temptation, I cannot say no. I struggle with that a lot.

However, I decided that today, on my lunch break, I wanted to walk around instead of just sitting there doing nothing. And it was so nice. I walked around my building for 15 minutes and enjoyed the sun and just looked around and it was so nice.

So on days where the weather permits, I think that will be a habit for me.

Even though it was only 1 extra point, there is no such thing as small successes!

Happy Monday!

It's a Hard-Knock Life...

I know, better than most people, that life is hard. I have had my fair share of things happen to me, bad things, good things, hard things, easy things, sad things, happy things. And all of those things entertwine and mix in my memories and self and just have helped me become who I am. They continue to shake me and shape me as I grow up, and grow older  and offer me my personalized life experience.

So, with all these 'things', I am faced with constantly growing, constantly changing, acting and reacting to life. The hard part is, and correct me if I'm wrong, the hard part is having the guys to get the things your heart whispers to you about. Being a "go-getter" is terrifying and scary! There is a beautiful quote (by whom, I'm not sure) that says, "it only takes 20 seconds of insane courage, and those 20 seconds can change your life". This is, of course, paraphrased. But it's a quote I constantly thing about. 20 second?! That's all?!

The kicker? It's getting passed the 20 seconds that can be even more terrifying than all the things you could gain after. Whether it's kissing someone, telling them you love them, quitting a job, telling the truth, taking a test, a job interview, a speech, walking into a funeral, calling an old friend. There are millions of things in this world, and in this life, that we need 20 seconds of courage for and on the other side, we come out better than we were before, as well as changed.

When I was younger, I struggled with public speaking. I wouldn't know if I still do, since I avoid it at all costs because of the overwhelming paralization that it used to give me. I would turn beat red, I would shake, stutter my words, never look up from my notecards, wish I was blessed with laryngitis so I could skip my presentations all together.

A side rant: why is speech class required in middle and high school? Are humans tortured enough between the ages of 11 and 18 with insecurities and acne, puberty, college applications, orthodonture, school dances, and several other things? Forcing those who don't want to, to stand in front of their classmates and give a five minute speech on England seems cruel and unusual! If someone likes giving speeches and enjoys that as an option, great! Let them do it! Have every test be oral! But for those who could not move passed it and were scarred for life from it, art projects, papers, one on one oral exams, multiple choice, anything else, will suffice. I remember more from papers and art projects I did than any of the speeches I gave.

But! Back to the point. I have this thing, a life change coming up, and I need to share it with someone, the only problem is it isn't beneficial for them at all. So I'm working on thinking back and helping ease my heart and my head by outting myself in their shoes. Though that helps with being logical, it doesn't help with nerves. 

I just have to do it. I am thinking to the other side of the conversation and it will open up so many doors and avenues for me. It's something that will move me towards a life that I want to lead, a life full of possibilities and dreams coming true. 

Wish me luck! I will share more about it when I can!

xxLindsey

***UPDATE

I did it! And it worked out so well! Things are looking up and I can't wait for all the exciting new chapters to come! 

Let Me Paint You a Picture.

Today is just one of those days, finding that you miss when things were more simple.

For me, that's always been summer vacation. You get to sleep in, have no responsibilities, sit in the sunshine, paint your toe nails, have a tan, and go on trips with your family. There's so much nostalgia associated with it.

Maybe the reason I am wishing I could be consumed by those times, is because I am sitting on the floor of my bedroom; the same bedroom I have was brought home from the hospital to. But let me raise you a Boom Box and forty or so mixed CDs I made in high school. Some of the music I still listen to frequently, and some of the songs I haven't heard in years and years.

We are in the day of iPods, iPads, music files, and YouTube. We no longer hope that our favorite songs come on the radio; or call in and request! *cough* Barbie Girl *cough* Instead, we hear a song we like, and we download it. We can listen to our favorites ten million times, learn all the words, and be onto the next song in hours.

But back in the day, mixed CDs were the only way to have the music you wanted when you wanted it. I just put in a CD and "Come Clean" by Hilary Duff was the first track. Followed by "Flavor of the Week" and three [yes, three] Celine Dion hits.

This is like a beautiful treasure hunt; most of these CDs have some obscure title, picture, or simple nothing at all drawn onto the face. No track list, no artist name, no year. Some CD titles I have come across so far: Sad Songs, Signature Collection, Random Stuff but GOOOOOOOD, Encounter [Years 2004, 2005, and 2006], RBL Mix, and one that simply has a heart on it. Other than that, there is nothing written on them.

Exploration of my musical tastes over the years! And I am feeling overwhelmed by the amount of memories that come with the music.
It is said that memories is most closely and accurately remembered with smell, but music is a crazy reminder of certain times in our lives, our friends, our feelings.

What makes this picture more beautiful, and very true of my true nature, is that I have the window WIDE open. The air coming in is crisp and cool, but not too cold. It just rained a little and the smell is overwhelmingly delicious. This is at the top of my list of most loved things in life.

Another one of my favorite things, is hearing one of these songs, one that I haven't thought about or heard in at least eight years, and still knowing every single word. It's enough to make someone [ahem.. me] cry.

So, my picture, that I am suppose to be painting for you.

I am sitting on my floor, next to my bed, boom box next to me, pile of CDs scattered all around, and my computer in my lap. All things that point to a teenager's room. One you may see in a movie or cartoon. However, as it goes, I am a 26 year old, adult woman, with a job, driver's license, and a much better understanding of life than my teenage self. Yet! I sit here and couldn't be happier  reliving some of my teenage afternoons, spent alone, listening to music, and wishing I didn't have homework and did have someone glamourous to go.

One of the songs just skipped, and I instinctively knew it would. These CDs were burned in my memory banks at one point or another and have never left. That makes me smile.

Sunday is Bun Day!

Follow me on Instagram for more ridiculousness and shameless selfies!

@beautyandwonderment

Happy Sunday!

xxLindsey

Stop Being Them, and Start Being YOU!

Welcome! and Welcome back!

This blog has been so many things before. A makeup blog, a place to launch my freelance makeup artistry business, a personal space for quotes and pictures... It became those things in the past because those were the suggestions of others. I often heard the question, "What do you write about on your blog?" and to that, I answered, "A little bit of everything!" Proud of my answer, I would get confused looks and then the suggestions came rolling in. "You need to focus on one thing." "How can you gain followers if you don't have a focus?" And the list goes on and on.

But I recently came to the conclusion, while wishing I had a single blog instead of three, that I am allowed to share on my blog, all the things I wish to share. If it is an amazing beauty product, some tips and tricks I picked up doing a wedding, or if I just feel like sharing a heart wrenching realization that I need to put out into the world, I am going to have a place to do it. 

The title of my blog: Beauty and Wonderment. This is a perfect, and all encompassing umbrella phrase for everything I find beautiful and wondrous. Makeup, fashion, religion, feelings, books, art, projects, my friends, love, family. All of these things have a place in my heart and are a part of who I am. Some people have a main focus, a talent that they cannot go a day without experiencing. I have that too! It isn't easily summed up in a single word or hobby. I love it all. I am passionate about so many things.

So, I am hoping that this will be a great and new beginning for me. 

Like I mentioned above, I have two other blogs, along with this one. But I want to merge them together to for something beautiful and wonderful and something that is all mine.

Confessions of a Book Lover, the blog I started a few summers ago when I was reading at least 15 novels a month, was so much fun, but quickly became daunting since I was blogging more than I was reading. So I will be transferring all my book reviews from there, to my GoodReads.com profile. I will be reviewing books there from here on out. That website is so amazing!

The Life of Lindsey is a personal blog that I started when I was living in LA, almost three years ago. I needed an outlet from the situation I was in and it became my obsession. But once I stopped posting every single day, and obsessing about it, I became torn between posting things here, or posting things there. So I will be taking some of my earlier posts and revamping them for here. But some of the older ones that are no longer pertinent will be erased, released to the world wide web...

So, this is day and a time for new beginnings. There are so many things that I have on my heart write, there are so many beauty products I want to write about and review, and there are so many quotes and stories I want to write about. 

Welcome to Beauty and Wonderment! I hope you enjoy, subscribe, and embark on the journey with me!

xxLindsey